HOW WE MET

I guess our story is quite boring and normal I suppose. I hired Sonia to make software demonstrations for our key customers. We design analytical software for retailers. So, I guess you could say, she was my employee. I know how it sounds, but it’s not like that. Actually, when I met her I was engaged to someone else. She had a long term boyfriend. I'm a bit traditional in some ways, but also modern in others. Also, I worked a lot with Universities at first--incidentally, I also have my masters in design. What I mean to say is, I come from the school of thought that you don’t date your employees. You don’t comment on a woman’s appearance in the work place. You don’t touch, flirt, or anything, especially if they work for you. I know many people feel differently about that, nevertheless, this is how I feel. Therefore, when I hired her, dating her, let alone marrying her, was the furthest thing from my mind. If I thought there was a chance of anything like that, honestly, I probably wouldn’t have hired her at all. Why invite trouble, right? Yes, she is attractive, but this is Florida, you close your eyes and toss a rock you will hit a beautiful girl. Besides, I don’t think I am the worst catch either. Meeting someone is easy. Meeting someone you get on with, more difficult.

Guess Sonia was with me for about three years when the financial crisis of 2008 hit. By with me, I mean, working with me. My fiancee and I had long broke up a couple years earlier. I had let go all but my key employees that summer. Those who stayed, including Sonia, had more responsibility. It was a difficult time. I didn’t have much of a social life. I worked a lot, went to the gym. During that time, we started to eat lunch together regularly and slowly became friends. I really didn’t hardly know her at all until then. Sometimes she teased me about the women I dated. It was in good fun, light. I guess though. it was about six months after she and her boyfriend broke up--for the last time--that we started dating. One night, we were both leaving the office at the same time, I asked her if she wanted to grab a bite. "Why not?" she said, "Shall we hit the ocean-side?" "Why not?" I say. It really is quite close and convenient for us. I don't think at the moment either of us had any romantic intention.

There we were on the boardwalk, the night was calm and warm, music playing in the background and a bottle of wine. It was just this really pleasant atmosphere and I had this genuinely peaceful feeling that I really liked being around her. She is a good friend. Because of the way we got to know each other all that effort of trying make an impression and impress each other was not there. I suppose when I hired her she tried to make a good impression, as we all do, but after the crisis, not at all. I needed her way more than she need me. That night though, I saw her differently. She is beautiful. We get on. Why not? I decide to go for it and I told her something like, “I know you have worked here for a while now. I hope you feel I have treated you respectfully and decently. I wouldn’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. I do, however, really enjoy your company and would like invite you out.” I know it is a bit clinical, but in my position you really have to be careful. “Aren’t we out now?” She asked. At first, I felt like I made a huge mistake and I am stumbling over my words, “I mean a date, like an official date. Not this.” “What’s the matter with this?” she asks looking at me dead serious. She was terrible, really making me squirm. Then she smiles and rests her hand on mine and she says something like, “Relax Boss, I would very much like to go on a date with you. Besides, I don’t think I would really like to cry sexual harassment until you actually do something. I want to go for the big bucks.” She winks at me.

It was all very natural. We already knew each other well. It all just kind of fell into place.

HOW I PROPOSED

How I proposed? I think I did it right. We decided to take Salsa classes together a couple of years ago. She is a natural. Me, not so much. Just another white guy trying learn how to dance. She grew up with it, so it is kind of in her bones. It’s been fun though — dance, party, sweat, exercise, a real good time. The teacher, students, and some of the people at the club, we have become friends. I got the idea from a friend to do a Salsa flash mob. Everybody was down with it.

I told her we are meeting our friends at Hollywood beach on Thursday for dinner. Hollywood beach is just outside of here in Miami. As we walk down the boardwalk, we meet up with this couple, Toni and Tommy. I noticed other people we knew sitting around or leaning over the rail. I was worried that she would too. She wasn’t expecting it so I guess that helped. We all talked for a moment about where to eat. We had it all set up with a PA and everything. As we are talking, music starts playing. It's one of her favorite dancing songs called Media Mitad, about soul mates. Toni and Tommy starts dancing, just moving to the beat at first while we talk. From all around others slowly start to join. She is completely taken off guard and begins to notice the people from the class and such, our teacher as well. In just seconds there are at least 25 people dancing. Even strangers join ed in. She started dancing without a thought. It was a bit crazy. I don't know what she was thinking, but she definitely had no idea until the song finished and I dropped to my knees. You gotta know, she loved it. She grabbed me and kissed me probably a hundred times all over my face. I had my answer. I am really not a very romantic guy. Not at ll. That’s why I enlisted the help of others. I wanted to do something special that was tailored to her personality. I am confident we did just that. Yeah, she still talks about it. She was happy. She said yes. I think choosing to hire her, choosing to date her, and marrying her, were the three best decisions I have made in my life. Now, she is going to be the mother of our child.

THE RING

She absolutely loved the ring. I get her. I really do. I chose it, but she adores it. I chose a rose gold and white gold ring, with a little bit of design, but simple. I went big on the diamond, 2 carats. Big for me anyway. It all worked out. The people at Rauschmayer were great. They guided me, taught me, even gave me a little booklet of ideas.

HOW HE PROPOSED

I really didn't expect him to propose. I had hoped one day he would. We didn't talk about it much. I thought about it, but it is not the kind of thing I think a girl should bring up, especially if he is not feeling the same way. Awkward! I mean, it is the kind of thing that can really make a relationship go South, if you get my meaning. And I didn't really want to spoil things, we have been together for 4 years and I have known two things in my heart for a very long time now. One, I couldn't imagine spending my life with anybody else. And Two, I can easily imagine spending the rest of my life with Evan. He is calm. He saves the best slice of pizza for me. When I am ill, he puts on his boots and heads to the pharmacy. He's a great kisser. He likes my sundresses that I make. He likes to walk for hours.

We were walking when he proposed. We do that a lot, take walk out into the woods around. Gaze at nature. He said he wanted to show me an unforgettable place that he found, and that when I saw it, he was certain it was bound to change my life forever. He likes to tease my imagination like that. We walked for about two hours until we came upon a small cave in the side of a hill. It was an old mine entrance. "Enter at you own risk" painted above the entrance. He sent me inside with a light, following behind. I knew something was up, but really I thought it was just a joke and he was going to scare me. I am curious like him though. We are the kind of people that always have to climb to the top, or see what is around the bend. We're definitely tree huggers, for sure. I have probably seen more than a thousand deer in my life and If I turn a corner today and see one, I am still in awe. We are both like that. So, you know, getting me to go for a walk in the woods, or search in an old mine, kind of like asking a little boy to ride a roller coaster.

There I was in the cave. It was huge at the opening and narrowed as it went on. I searched through the cave for a few minutes going directly in front of me. I walk about 30 feet or so when just off to the side I caught a flash from the light. As I get nearer, I realized it was a the diamond reflecting off the light. I walked nearer and nearer, curious. And it took me a minute to understand what I was seeing. There it was on a small hand-woven scarf with in a small box the lid open resting on old wooden table. If I would have gone further I would have seen my sister and others hiding in the dark. It's like my mind just stopped, I was confused wondering what a diamond ring was doing just sitting in a cave. I really thought someone left it! Seriously!

"What is it?" He asks. I turned back to answer he was on one knee. Then it hit me. I couldn't speak. I just started crying. And he did it, like a gentleman. My friends and sister came out of the darkness. "Will you spend the rest of your life with me?" that's what he said. I could only nod. I couldn't speak. Too emotional. Really, best surprise ever! We drank wine played guitar. Probably best day of my life, easily. He had the whole thing arranged. We built a big bonfire and played into the night. It was wonderful. True to us. I wouldn't have wanted it any different.

HOW WE MET

We met in this very fancy Starbucks in the Meat Packing District in NY. Yes, Starbucks. He was in the city to meet a customer. I was was on a solitary vacation; I decided that I was going to spend the day alone and treat myself well. I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I then walked nearly sixty blocks, stopping at a bookstore along the way, and then afterwards I walked down to the nearest coffeeshop and the first one I cam across was Starbucks. It is not an ordinary Starbucks, very elaborate, brewery, cocktail bar, nice and comfortable.

I planned to sit and read and then go to a movie. As it happened, Mike was sitting at the table next to me, and he was reading the same book, The Goldfinch. I saw him watching me and he definitely gave me the once-over. He says he didn't, but he did. I caught him in the act. In order to save himself, he held up the book to show me and smiled and said, "I was looking at the book," It was funny, because I remember firstly being offended that he was obviously checking me out, and then I was offended that he might not have been... LOL. Now I know him better, I am certain. He is just very quick witted in that way. We talked briefly, from opposite tables, about books and such, and then after about ten minutes we were sitting together. I don't think either of us planned on staying so long, but neither of us really wanted to leave. It's one of those moments you are trying to hang onto, but you don't want the other to know you want to drag it out. And as long as they are doing the same, it works. Somehow we drifted into the conversation about Seinfeld, which led to stand-up comedy, knowing that Jerry Seinfeld got his start in the city. Well, we had been talking a couple of hours and was just on the verge of parting ways when he suggested we go to a comedy club. I thought, what the hell, right? I didn't really expect it would turn into anything, but I just knew I was in one of those moments that I was thinking to myself, this is exactly where I want to be, right now. My solitary day turned into a date at a comedy club. First date at a comedy club, this is something that should be mentioned in dating sites. Highly understated move. Think about it, sitting and laughing for two hours with a potential love interest. It worked. About a year later we were living together.

THE PROPOSAL

Well, the night he proposed I felt something was up. Firstly, he had been restless. Also, he is a picture guy/ amateur photographer, but good. He likes cameras, takes lots of pictures of everything, always, everywhere. All week he is in front of his computer editing photos and such. I mean, we have photos of us on the wall and things like that, and I like it because they are good memories, but I am too lazy to do something like that. So, he tells me he wants to go out to dinner on Friday to this Chinese restaurant called TAO in the Meat Packing District. He said we had to dress nice. So, I kind of suspected. Ordinarily, he wouldn't say something like that.

We arrive. We eat. We drink a bottle of wine and the whole time I am waiting for something special to happen. Nothing. He just talks. I mean, he is very loving and telling me all these nice things in a teasing way, like, "At your ugliest moment, you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever met." It's really kind of distracting because I am waiting for something to happen. My gut tells me something is going to happen. We finish eating, order a desert, finish the desert, and then asks for the bill. He pays the check and says let's grab a coffee. I am stunned. It's only like 9pm on a Friday. I am dressed up. He is dressed up. Frankly, I am a bit irritated, but I can't show it because he has been so sweet, and he took me out to this beautiful dinner, but I am ready for something. Finally, I resign, okay, so no proposal, at least let's make a night of it already. Do something. Coffee? Really? What can I say though? You can't really bitch about someone taking you out to a nice meal. I reluctantly agree.

We leave and walk a couple of blocks and arrive at Starbucks, yep, same Starbucks where we met. I honestly didn't connect. I was too distracted and in my own mind thinking about life, our relationship, the future. He orders, I sit. I didn't know it at the time, but he had paid a photographer who was off on the other side of the room. After a moment, he comes back with our espresso and he is holding this large wrapped present. It's big, right? I am wondering, did he have that all night? Did I not see? It's like a large book. And I think, okay, this is it. He could tell I was suspicious. "I just wanted to do something nice for you. I hope you like it."

I open it and it is a picture album, nothing else. "Remember," he says, "This is where we first met?" Finally, I connect it. But again, I am expecting a ring not an album. He sits next to me and starts looking through it with me. He is super sweet. I, on the other hand, am very emotional and hiding it, because really, at this point, to be perfectly honest, I am seriously disappointed. I am totally confused. The tops of the pages all have dates with descriptions; it looks really professional: ski trip, Napa Wine tour, Niagra Falls, me falling in the snow. All of these memories. So here I am recapturing my life together with him and each page just leaves me more and more disappointed. What was I thinking? I am feeling more and more foolish by the minute. I try to remind myself that this is all beautiful and nice, what is there to feel bad about? It's a very sweet gesture.

We get down to the last page, I turn it. I can barely turn it. It takes me a minute because I am really lost in my thoughts. Really, I just wanted to escape, to go home and sleep. I am having all of these thoughts now that he and I are in different spaces and that I have totally been misreading things. Then finally I focus and see the tag at the top of the last one. There at the top it reads, "The day you agreed to become my wife" I didn't get it at first. I was looking for the empty picture. Instead, It had a Rauschmayer ring taped where the picture should be. Suddenly, I lost it, a flood of emotion. He knelt down and these were his exact words, "From the very first time I spoke to you, sitting right here, I knew you were the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Aisha, will you marry me?" I was so happy. I hit him like five times before I said yes, I couldn't help myself, my god, he took me on such a roller-coaster that night... LOL. He knew exactly what he was doing too. That's what I love about him. His wit and the way he knows how to surprise me. The photographer walks over and congratulates us. I saw the people around all smiling. We were a real spectacle.

HOW WE MET

We met at University. We were both doing a semester abroad at the London Metropolitan University. We met in the program when we arrived and were checking in. There were a lot of us. I was a bit nervous and confused. Elena, this is kind of her thing. She's a bit of an anglophile, Pride and Prejudice and all that. Me? I just wanted to see the world and don't speak another language. I was just asking her questions. I wasn't even thinking anything. I mean, I would have asked the door if it could talk. I mean, I was lost, like... how to write the date?.. kind of lost. Don't get me wrong, she is attractive and a bit wild. But I mean, we were in University, and there were a hundred other beautiful girls, all of whom I didn't feel I had a chance. She seemed smart. She was kind and ready and willing to help out a fool. I was really the odd man out.

The next day I was in the cafe just around the corner and she sat down started talking like we were old friends. That's what I like about traveling. At that point, we only knew each other, nobody else. I kind of see it as fate leaning my way. There was no, "Will you go out with me?" kind of situation. One day to the next we just kept meeting and we ended up basically spending the whole summer together. It took me a month to kiss her, which is really stupid, but I suppose that tells you a lot about me. I mean, think about it, we are visiting all these beautiful places like Westminster Abbey, pubs, theaters, Knotting Hill, everything. I mean, very romantic, like in the movies romantic. All I could think about is "Does she like me?" I tell you, she could have stuck her tongue down my mouth and I would have still wondered, does she like me?

Well, summer ended. I went back to Michigan, She went back to Providence. We kept in touch for a while and tried to do the distance thing, and then it just kind of faded I guess. Like our meeting, there was no formal break-up, no animosity, just kind of this unstated acceptance of the reality of our situation. About two years after I graduated, I saw an internship for animation studio in Providence. I can brew beer, and Rhode Island has a lot of beer pubs. So I thought, why not? I mean, really. I had never been happier, more confident, more me than that summer with her. So, I thought, maybe it is a chance in hell, but I am going to take it. I sent her a post, tell her I was moving to Providence. She wrote something like, "Yeah! Let's Meet!" with a bunch of huggie emojis.

It was weird. We met the Thursday after I arrived, and we were off again like there was no break. We were just together. She kind of leads the direction and I like where she is going so I go along. You know what else is weird? I do woodwork now. Nothing I studied relates to my life, other than the basics, math, history, reading, etc. I had this thought though. It seems to me that my entire education served only one purpose, it brought me to her. So, in that respect, it was worth it. Best thing that ever happened to me.

HOW I PROPOSED

Here is the thing, if she were doing the proposal, it would have been spectacular. I am a bit ordinary, traditional, typical guy. Her mom and dad like to do these family get-togethers about once a month, like a really nice casual restaurant by the coast. I had the ring for about three months, just trying to figure out how to do it. So finally I just told myself, screw it, I am going to do it. I only told my friend Ben, and Invited him and his girl, Cheryl, to go. Only he knew what was up. I told him to have his phone ready for pictures. Anyway, we were there. We finished ordering. I ordered a bottle of wine and everybody started digging on me because they know I am not a wine drinker. A nice IPA suits me fine. It is just what I imagine as "romantic." We we get the wine. I pour and pass around like we are going to do a toast. Only then I realize, this is really a stupid idea. What am I going to do, hold a glass of wine in one hand and the ring in the other? Finally, someone says, "Is this a toast?" "Yes," I say, "it is, but first I have to do something." Then I just did it. I sat the glass on the table, pulled out the ring, and got down on one knee and said, "Elena, will you marry me?" Simple. I think about everyone nearly crapped themselves. Then after a bit of silence her brother yells out, "Answer him for Christ's sake, we got food coming!" That kind of knocked her out of shock. "Yes!" She said. "YES! YES! YES!" and she kissed me. Now really, I knew she would say yes. I know her family liked me. Believe me, if I had any doubt, I wouldn't have done it, especially with her family, but we all get along nicely. Simple though. I wish I was one of those guys that get all creative and plan this out. But... I don't know... it worked. It was nice with the whole family. I think it made it special for her. You would have to ask her. But, it worked, which was the point.

HOW WE MET

We met at Dicks. If you don’t know Dicks, then you don’t know Texas. It is a restaurant where basically, you go in and they treat you like a… you know. Or I should say they waiters are more like a @#$. It is hilarious! Especially if you don’t know and nobody tells you. The first time I went there, I was new to San Antonio. At the time I was working on a film set for a low budget horror movie. Some of the locals took us out to eat along the Riverwalk. First thing I notice when we enter is that the hostess is extremely rude. We ask for a table, she complains, rolls her eyes, then finally seats us. It seems I am the only one it bothers. The waitress, Maribel, walks by and just throws the menus on the table and snarls, “Hurry up and choose something, I don’t want to wait all day on you I got things to do.” Everybody is in on the joke but me. I am getting irate. When we are ordering, I ask her what she recommends. She says, “I recommend you do your job and order what you like, then I do my job and get it for you.” Finally, I have had enough. I stand up, I go through the whole spiel. Do you have a problem with me? You have been rude to me since I entered. I want to speak to the manager, blah blah blah. Everyone bursts into laughter including her! “Let me guess,” she says. “You are the newbie?” I was so embarrassed. The joke was on me. It's their thing. You go there to be treated like crap. Only in Texas.

Later, as I was leaving, I notice she was standing outside on the rail by the river. I talked to her for a bit, we laughed, mostly at me. I couldn't help but thinking that she seemed the most beautiful and funny woman that I have met in my life, but just two hours earlier I thought of her as this complete jerk. Life is funny like that. I knew in that moment I wanted to see more of her and I asked her, “So other than being yelled at over dinner, what else should I see in San Antonio.” The next night, we walked the Alamo and had dinner at this place called Rositas, she was giving me the tour.

I had been thinking about taking a permanent job in Austin at a production house. It’s only about an hour from San Antonio. That night I decided. I am coming back to Texas. Definitely.

HOW I PROPOSED

I thought about doing it at Dicks. That would have been too funny. When I thought about it more, I decided that a woman doesn’t want a funny proposal but a memorable one, a romantic one. I did use the place though. I made kind of a treasure hunt. This wasn’t my idea. I read about it somewhere and I liked it. I felt like—I know everybody says it—but I felt like, I am going to do this once, so I want to do it in a way that it would stick in her mind, nobody could upstage me. I selected 12 places. At each place I leave a limerick with a clue and a rose. The limerick is something like, “Something waits for you, that might give you a little prick, at the first place where I met you and you were kind of a D$#@.” That one is funny, but you get the idea. I picked 12 places that were meaningful and memorable to us: Dicks, Rositas, The Alamo, Gas station where I drove off with the pump still attached (yes, I actually did it). Let me tell you why that was memorable. I freaked out, but she laughed so hard she was gasping for air and crying real tears. It made me laugh. We sat there and laughed for about 30 minutes. This is one of those moments when you know, she is the one. I mean, really, this cost us a fortune, money we didn’t have, and her response was, “I would have paid double just to see that.” You see what I mean? She is very clear between real tragedy and actual tragedy. She grounds me like that, laughs at me, herself, the world.

So the last place, the last of a dozen roses is at Rositas. I have this all arranged for Saturday at 6:30. A pre-dinner time. I spent several days setting this up. The idea was she would arrive at Rositas and when she entered, on the center table in front of the door would be the final rose, a Rauschmayer ring, and a note with the last clue, which I ask her to marry me. At that moment, a Trio would play, and we celebrate and like that. That was the idea. Well, I can explain it in a short paragraph simple enough, but I didn’t really think about how long it would take in real time. I mean, as I am waiting, about 7:30, I am realizing, oh crap, I really sent her on a journey. So I have to play the Trio 2 more hours. The manager and the waitresses, they were all nervous for me. I think they were quite certain I was getting shafted. We are all waiting around. I expected few customers at 6:30. But after 7:30 everyone who walks in the door stares at me, gestures. I am really on display. By the time she arrives, the place is full, and eyes have been on me for over an hour. Everybody is waiting and watching. The staff were amazing.

About 10 minutes to 8:00 she walks through with her sister. I will never forget. I mean, I think she knew the end result from the first card so she had carried around this emotion with her on this treasure hunt for like three and half hours. I know, thinking back, kind of stupid on my part. She opened up the last card, turned to me, and just nodded her head. I tell you, the entire place exploded with cheers. The trio burst out. Absolutely crazy. It became a total party that night with everyone. Her family came. Friends showed up. It was a blast. Ultimately, she loved it, despite the journey. Also makes for a great story. I think that is important.

THE RING

She loves the ring. Rauschmayer was great. The person I spoke with kind of went out of their way to help me. I liked that they weren’t trying to sell me the most expensive ring, but that they were helping get something good for her within my budget. Fact is, I only bought from Rauschmayer because I felt like I could trust them. It’s a big decision. Nice to have guidance you can trust.

HOW WE MET

I had just moved to Salt Lake City from Idaho falls. I got accepted to the University of Utah for my MBA. She was widowed and had two kids. I didn’t know many people and spent most of my time studying. It was the funniest experience. We met at a Christmas dinner with our Church briefly. Actually, I met her boys. They had these elf hats on and I was teasing them, just joking, when Gary, he was about 5 then, he just hauled off and punched me in the nose. Good and hard too, made me bleed. I was surprised. That was when Melissa rushed over with her friend. She was flustered and embarrassed and scolded him good. I could tell she didn’t want to face me. She was till going through a hard time then. I wasn’t upset at all. She rushed off with the boys. I got a kick out if it. That boy jumped off the house with a blanket once, trying to use it as a parachute. You gotta love him.

About five months later I was walking my dog near the park at the edge of campus when I see Gary and Jason. I put up my hands ready to fight and they start laughing. They come running over. They love Bear, my dog. He’s a border collie, smart as heck. There we are throwing the frisbee with bear when I ask about their dad and mom. “Dad’s dead,” Gary said. Just said it outright like that. That was really the first time I knew that he had passed. It had been a few years and the kids were small. They barely remembered him except from pictures. Anyway, long story short, along comes Melissa trying to gather up the boys when she sees me. “They told me if I didn’t let them play with the dog they were going to kick my butt again.” She laughed, an embarrassed laughter, but a beautiful laughter. Honestly though, somehow that little tidbit of information those boys gave me just a few minutes earlier was enough to make me look at her twice and when I did, I thought, wow, she really is the most beautiful woman. Where I come from, you see two boys and a woman, and if you are decent man, you don’t look further, not in a bad way, just keep a respectful distance. So that is the short of it. We talked, went to pizza, then you know, wash, rinse, repeat.

HOW I PROPOSED

It was simple, really. Like me. I am kind of simple, and I think that is a good thing. I think some people see simple as stupid, but I think of it as keeping your mind on the important things, say what you mean and do what you say, don’t convolute it with a bunch of noise. So that is pretty much how I go about everything including this. We had been together for about a year and half. I just knew it was right. I mean, we were like family from the first month. She wasn’t looking for a man either. She didn’t need one. I know how some people think, but she is quite successful in her own right, so there wasn’t that kind of pressure. We just enjoyed each other’s company and I love the boys as much as I love her.

One day, it just popped in my mind that it was right and I should make it permanent. I didn’t want to do it on the holidays because I think it kind of cheats the holidays. Let Christmas be Christmas and whatnot. So I waited until February. I took them to Snowbird for the weekend, a ski resort. Put the kids in a ski school and later the first night we planned a nice dinner at the lodge. I took the boys down while she was getting ready and told them my plans to ask their mother to marry me and asked what they thought. You know how boys are, they laughed and joked about me being dad and such. They were all for it though. I told them to keep a secret. There we are at dinner and the little knuckleheads kept fidgeting and giggling. I was planning on waiting until after we ate. I ordered a bottle of Champagne. She was onto us. “What are you three up to?” she kept asking. I tried to silence them with a stare and they just giggled more. “What?” she said, “what is it?” Out of the blue Gary screams with laughter, “He wants to marry you!” She was stunned and confused and looked to me for an explanation. “What is he talking about?” I was on the spot now, what could I do except pull out the ring? “Would you do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me?” I asked. I can still remember her expression. She wasn’t expecting it. We didn’t talk about it or anything. She raised the palms of her hand to her face in the “Oh-My” expression she does. Her faced flushed red as a tomato. I could see tears swelling in her eyes. She then leaned over and kissed me. “And then some,” she says. And that was that. The next day the boys skied and we well, we didn’t ski is all I am saying.

HOW WE MET

We met about eight years ago on an airplane to Guangzhou. We were kind of trapped next to each other for about 30 hours. We are both ABC, American Born Chinese. And we both live in Wisconsin. He was working on his PHD at the University, chemical engineering, a real Asian nerd, so much the stereotype. I have my own garden shop. I like to grow things: herbs, vegetables, flowers. Well, come Christmas, as you know, the country shuts down. We both have relatives in Guangzhou, grandparents, both of us. Our flight goes through Denver, San Francisco, and then Hong Kong. At the time there weren’t too many flights directly to Guangzhou. Then from Hong Kong, it’s subway to the city, and then train to mainland, to Guangzhou. You get the idea.

After boarding for the first leg I sit, situate myself, and open a book. A few minutes later this shy man scoots in next to me. I can tell he wants to say something but he is too shy. Anyway, a bit after take-off, we start talking and find out that we are both going to the same place. Our grandparents only live about 4 kilometers from each other. And it is only after we get to Colorado that I learn I was in his seat; he was so polite he wouldn’t say anything. We quickly became travel buddies as we transferred. Kind of normal, I guess. Actually, I wasn’t even thinking about him as a boyfriend or date or anything. But then we arrive in San Francisco, where his mom joins for the rest of the journey. In San Francisco we had spent like an hour together talking and visiting, mom included, of course. We eat, board, and take our seats. The last part of the journey we are not seated together; he his seated with his mom, of course. If you know Chinese culture, then you know that a Chinese mom with a single son is a natural matchmaker. I guess she took a liking to me. I think her thinking was something like, Chinese, America, Guangzhou, HER! It is kind of that simple for a Chinese mother who doesn’t want to lose her son. Anyway, about an hour into the flight I see this Chinese lady pushing herself through the aisle and she comes up to me and says, “go.” I almost laughed out loud. Of course, she was polite and said she wanted to sit alone and sleep, she was very tired, that we are young and should have someone to talk to on a long journey. Reluctantly, I did. When I sat back down next to Steven, we joked a bit about Chinese mothers and matchmaking and I guess, that is when we kind of started to think a little differently, when I noticed hew was handsome, not obviously handsome, but handsome and charming in a gentleman kind of way.

By the time we made it through Hong Kong and into Guangzhou, she had our phone numbers exchanged, WeChat, a scheduled visit during our trip. It was really all so natural. And we did, we met in Guangzhou. I went to his hometown. We went to the city a few times for dinner, kind of discovering the city together. It was the best time I ever had in Guangzhou. It was so much bigger and more developed than I realized. It was nice, even romantic. Of course, she says it was fate. I say it was a pushy Chinese mother-in-law. One thing led to another. Soon we were discovering Wisconsin together, learning to ski, finding the best Chinese restaurants. Finally, I felt someone really got me. Not quite Chinese, but not quite American, if that makes sense.

HOW HE PROPOSED

Well, that was something special. I mean, not extravagant, but very romantic. He invited me to San Francisco for the weekend. Said we were going to hike the Redwood forest and such. I love San Francisco. Just across the bridge there is a little town called Sausalito. Very nice. There was this beautiful little boutique hotel, that opens right onto the bay. In the morning you can see across to the city; the water laps right onto the balcony. A fireplace in the room. Wine tasting in the evening. Very romantic. You can’t imagine. So I go out for a run. I like to run about 5-10k a few times a week, but especially when I am in a new place. It is a real pleasure. it’s funny when I think about it, when I returned, I remember people downstairs kind of smirking a bit. I had no idea what it was about. Not to digress, I go up to the room. I open the door, and for a moment I thought I was in the wrong place. I had to double check the room number. Inside, the room was filled with roses. Petals all over the bed and floor. The fire was on. The patio door open and a bottle of wine with two glasses sitting on the table outside. I couldn’t see him anywhere. I called out, “Stephen?” He didn’t answer. I walked out onto the patio and there he stood with the ring box opened. He didn’t even get a chance to ask me. I just burst into tears. Everything was so beautiful. He had help of course from his sister, mother, cousins. But the moment was just mine and his. Of course, he recorded it. He had three iPhones running on selfie sticks, can you believe it? It really was so unbelievably romantic.

That night, after I got cleaned up, we had dinner with his family. And, well, the rest is history.

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HOW WE MET

I met Troy at work, at the Hospital. I am an RN. He was a security guard, back before the beard. A different look then; you wouldn’t recognize him. We always ran into each other. I noticed him. He was friendly and polite. Soft spoken, but kind of strong. He had that kind of military poise that a lot of vets have, like they can stand a long time and just pay attention quietly. At first, to be honest, I thought he was kind of fierce. The day we really got to know each other was terrible. There was a terrible car accident. One of the cars was an SUV that rolled and there was little girl and a baby boy in the backseat. The boy was fastened but the force still broke his neck. It was awful. The mom was in intensive care. The girl had a big gash across her back. The driver of the other car was in ICU. He was pretty banged up. A real tragedy. You can imagine.

Suddenly, this man comes bursting into ICU carrying a baseball bat. I mean this guy was big. I was terrified. We all were and didn’t know what to do. He wanted to kill the driver. Absolutely furious. Cussing. He smashed the door frame with the bat. We were scrambling. Out of the blue Troy steps in. Another security has a Taser. I was ready for Troy just to tackle this guy. I mean, that is what I imagined Troy to be like, up until that point. I just thought of him as this fierce Vet turned security guard. It’s not a stretch. Well, before anybody can do anything he steps close and says, “Thank god you are here, your daughters been asking for you.” And the guy just stops. You could tell at first, when he saw security he was ready for a fight, but then his face goes blank like he is completely lost. “What?” he says. Troy gently says, “Hey Brother, she is really afraid. Nobody has been in to see her. I know it’s not my business, but I think you should probably be in there with her at her side, right?” The guy just starts fighting back tears and nodding his head. We all watch dumbfounded as Troy rests an arm the guys back and says, “Here, let me show you where she is.” The guy follows along without even thinking. Troy gently takes the bat and passes it to the other. That was the moment, the moment I really noticed him. I thought, wow, this guy is something special, such compassion. He sat with the father for, oh, I don’t know how long, a while.

A few hours later I see him in the cafeteria. I was still shaken, but I had this deep desire to talk to him, to know him more. I walk up and ask, “Where did you learn how to do that, Iraq?” He says. “Afghanistan, I was in Afghanistan, but no.” He laughs at me a little. “What?” He could read me and all my preconceptions. Finally, he says, “My Pops. He owned a bar for about thirty years. He always kept a warm Pizza under the lamp, especially after ten. Whenever people got rowdy he never tried to break up a fight. He would just step in and offer a slice of Pizza. Worked almost every time.” That’s brilliant, isn’t it? He told me that his father used to say, when you meet someone that is out of their mind, remember a little love goes a lot further than a little ego.

My ideas about him were completely off. He was strong, smart, compassionate, very close with his mother and father, very warm, but still quiet. I learned that in the evenings he was studying to be a Chef. I am kind of judgmental I know. We talked for about an hour. I know this sounds off. I had never thought this way before. In that hour though, I will never forget. I remember thinking to myself, if I ever had kids this is the kind of man I would want as their father. My shift was over. His was over. So, I thought, what the hell and I invited him for a drink. One drink became two, then a date, then another, then we moved in together, and one day he proposed.

HOW HE PROPOSED

We never really talked about it. I already knew we were in it for life. I just had the feeling. Very secure. I am a sucker for sappy movies, love songs, love poems. I wouldn’t say I am not philosophical, but thinking deeply is not how I like to spend my free time. I think it has a lot to do with my work. Often, life and death are right in your face. You can’t escape it. This is a very long way of saying why one of my favorite movies is Ghost with Patrick Swayze, the pottery scene, Unchained Melody, all of it. It just melts me. I have made him watch it with me about five times. On that note, we have this group of close friends and we get together every other Friday and do drinks and dinner. One day we see next to this pub a pottery school. They are all teasing me about it as I look through the window.

One Friday, October 19th, 2012, to be exact, he tells me he has a surprise. We all meet downtown at the same Pub. Outside there are some street musicians playing. I remember commenting on how it must be difficult to play in the cold. Everybody arrives. We have a beer. He takes a last swig of a pint and slams his beer on the table. “Ready?” He asks the group. “Ready!” they say. “We’ve got a little surprise for Nat tonight.” That’s what he calls me, because I am like a gnat, always buzzing around. I have no idea what is going on. I follow them out the door, past the band--who incidentally is playing love songs by Al Greene, Barry White, all my favorites, not the kind of thing you’d expect some tattooed hipsters to be playing—and into the pottery place. It’s all set up for us, pre-arranged. Wheels on the table, water, balls of clay in the center. We joke around a bit. Take a seat. I am loving it, feeling the fool, but also feeling like I have a great group of friends too. How could I not? We are joking around. Spinning the wheel. I am molding the clay. Jason, our friend, walks to the door, says he wants a smoke. I remember I could feel everyone watching me, but at the time I didn’t think anything of it.

I am trying to make a mug, okay? As I try to thin it out, firstly, it keeps falling apart and I have to repack the ball and start over. Finally, as it starts to thin in the inside, I feel something. “There’s rock in my clay,” I tell the teacher. “Are you sure?” she asks feigning innocence. I then pull it out “the rock” and start pulling the clay away. I thought for a moment it was a piece of glass. At that moment, Jason opens the door and the musicians walk in singing Myyyyyy Looooove, I hunger for yourrrrr touch, Unchained Melody, by the Everly Brothers, from the movie. It was beautiful. By now, I see the ring. I had put it all together. He takes my hand and says, “Gnat, Will you promise to bug me for the rest of my life?” I couldn’t stop laughing. It was wonderful. I know some people like to choose the ring together. Not me. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. That most wonderful day.

Thanks Rauschmayer, for the most beautiful ring in my possession, and I am sure it always will be.

HOW WE MET

We met at a basket ball game, the Denver Nuggets. Tarik is a huge fan. Me, not so much. I was actually there on a date. Can you believe it? Guys, dating lesson 101, before you take a girl to a sporting event find out if the girl likes sports. I won't say his name, let's just call him, Thoughtless. So, Thoughtless takes me to this game. Great seats, on the third row up, so he spent money, I tried to appreciate it. Then he left me there by myself to talk to his buddies for about 45 minutes or longer. After a bit his guy next to me says quietly in a soft deep voice, "Not a basketball fan, huh?" It was Tarik. "Not really," I say, "just here with a friend." I felt horrible, you know, abandoned, stupid, and uncertain about myself and the situation. I really just wanted to escape. I think he felt bad for me so he just started talking to me, comforting me in a way. He starts telling me about the team and the stories of their players, where they were from, their background. Really calmed me down and I just started noticing him, tall, dark, handsome. I think my anger at Mr. Thoughtless made me brave for once in my life. On the one hand, Thoughtless has left me alone at a place I didn't even want to come. On the other hand there is this guy, this stranger, who is kind of caring for me and trying to make comfortable. I knew in that moment, I would never go on another date with Thoughtless. So finally, after about fifteen minutes, this thought goes through my head, screw it, but not so polite, and I say, "They have a microbrewery here in the stadium, would you like to get a drink with me?" I have never done anything like that in my life. I'll never forget that look, it was a bit surprised but kind of calm and graceful too. He says, "As a matter of fact, I would... but what about... you know?" He gestures to the seat next to him. I stand to go and respond, "I don't see anybody there, do you?' He grabs his jacket and says, "As a matter of fact I don't." That's how we met.

We grabbed a beer at the brewery and talked for maybe two hours. At that point, I wasn’t thinking much. I enjoyed chatting, but I was still somewhat irritated and my attention was somewhat divided. He noticed too, but was very patient. I kept getting texts from you-know-who and I tried to ignore. At first, they were of concern, but as they followed, they quickly turned into calling me names and such. I showed them to Tarik, he winced a bit and says, “If I ever talked to a woman like that, my mama would slap the hell out of me.” I felt bad for Tarik. He really made me feel good, but I thought he thought I must be crazy. It was a crazy situation, but kismet also. When we left, he walked me out and called an Uber. I remember, he opened the door, and before I got in, he said, “Angie, if I could have the great honor of taking you out on a proper date I will make three promises. First, I won’t take you to a basketball game. Second, no way in hell I would ever leave you alone. Sorry to say, but the guy’s a fool. Thirdly, no matter how things go, I will never send you a message that would offend you, myself, or my mother.”

You see, let that be a lesson men. That is the way to ask a girl out. How could I say no? Especially, I was very self-conscious. I am a very self-conscious person. I wanted to redeem myself if nothing else. I wanted to know him, but also, I wanted him to know that I am not just this emotional crazy woman. When I think about it now, it really is kismet, serendipity. Sometimes it feels like I was supposed to be there in that seat alone just so I could meet him.

HOW HE PROPOSED

Tarik is a little shy. He doesn’t like to draw attention to himself. Important things, like a proposal, he likes it to be private. As you can tell, I kind of don’t mind being the center of attention. What I like about Tarik, is that when he gives me attention, he gives his full attention.

One day, I am sitting at this bakery with my girlfriend for lunch and he calls and says, “I need to talk to you about something, can we plan dinner Friday, you and me?” You have to understand, that is the way he is, so I didn’t suspect anything. I was curious sure. I had grown accustom to his style though. For instance, if he were thinking about buying a new car, going on a vacation, got a promotion, whatever, this is what he would have done. A few minutes later he sends a text that reads, “It’s a nice place, we should probably dress accordingly.” Now I am bit curious. I show my girlfriend. She’s like, “Think he’s going to pop the question?” That was when I started to wonder, not seriously, but wonder. He says nothing else.

Friday comes, he picks me up, which is unusual because if we are going to have drinks or something he always takes an Uber. He is dressed super smart, looking handsome as ever. We drive down to the Denver Hotel. They have this amazing restaurant called The Palace Arms. I had been wanting him to take me there for a while. Very romantic, upscale. As we drive in, I see this sly smile. I thought that was the surprise. After my friend asked me about popping the question, I thought about it for a few times, but didn’t really take it seriously. The idea just vanished.

When we walk into the restaurant, he had reservations. We sat down. He ordered for both of us. He really had gone all out: scallops and king grab, beef filet, escargot, caviar. They brought a bottle of wine and poured us a glass. I mean, seriously 4 courses, the works. For some people this might be normal, but not for us. For us, it was a bit extravagant. I thought he had gotten a promotion or something. I was even a little nervous, it was too much. I thought he was going to tell me that he had to move to another state or something.

I say to hime, “You said you had something you wanted to talk to me about?” He was obviously nervous and that scared me even more. “As a matter of fact I do,” he says. I wait for a minute and I am like, c’mon, out with it. He stands up, straightens his jacket. “I guess now is as good a time as any.” He walks over to me, then drops to one knee while pulling out a ring box. “I would like to talk to you about becoming my wife,” he says, “Angie, will you marry me?” I was floored. I couldn’t even speak. I couldn’t move. It was like time stopped. I left him there in silence for a minute and everyone, I mean everyone was watching. “You gotta help me out here,” he says, “I need an answer.” I then snapped out of it, I was like “Yes!, Definitely! YES YES YES.” I could see total relief. I really left him hanging for a minute. People raised their glasses to us. I could hardly eat I was so happy.

Now I know why he didn’t take the Uber, because he reserved a room for the weekend. He spent the whole weekend babying me, treating me like a queen, shopping, massage, spa. I wouldn’t have wanted it any different. Especially because it was just so much of what I think makes Tarik so special. Whenever he gets focused on something, he eliminates all distractions and focuses on the important thing. I, we, were the important thing.

The ring, well, the ring was beautiful. Inside he inscribed the words, All my love, all my life. His sister-in-law helped pick it out. She knows I like delicate things, but with just a little flash. It’s a beautiful diamond ring with little small diamonds running down the side. I love it. I will cherish it forever.

HOW WE MET

It is so funny that we even met at all. Geophrey is definitely not the kind of guy that I ever thought I would marry, are you kidding? I am from Zhangzhou, China and Geophrey is from Nice in France. We could not be more opposite.

I met him one weekend in Shanghai. I was studying to become a pediatrician. We had just taken exams. Me and my two girlfriends went to Shanghai for the weekend to rest. We arrived at this French restaurant and we were waiting for a seat. There were two other couples and this... this... French man waiting together for table. He was... is... handsome. We noticed him... and we noticed he was single. I am sure he noticed us noticing him. He tried to talk to us, very aggressively I might add, at least for a Chinese it seemed at the time. We were polite, dismissed him, and then laughed among ourselves. We had been waiting for a while when the waiter came out and said, "Table for 9." Suddenly, he answers, "Yes, yes, that is us, come on ladies." Gesturing to us. We were so embarrassed. You have to understand, as a Chinese, we often try not to put the spotlight on us. Geophrey puts himself and everybody around him in the spotlight all the time. You can't hide. Finally, he looks at me and says, "Did you come to eat or did you come to wait to eat, the question is simple, correct?" I didn't know what to say. I was intrigued, but speechless. Truthfully, I wanted to hide. "Listen," he says. "You would be doing me a great service. Look at me here alone with my two good friends, one American, one English, and they have both have brought these incredibly beautiful women which, for some reason I don't know, have chosen to marry them. Now I am here, having dinner as a Frenchman, alone. My reputation completely and utterly destroyed. You see, this is a matter of national pride, which I know three lovely Chinese ladies understand quite clearly. So what is it going to be, are you going to abandon this generous Frenchman in his time of need and join us for dinner, or are you going to make us all sit out here and wait, god knows how long, for another table?" I am not kidding, that is what he said. How do I know? Because Shan Shan, my friend recorded him, seriously. He is a walking spectacle. It should have been a warning for me about what I was getting into. Can you imagine arguing with that? Impossible! I did have a good time though. He captured my attention that night. We went out two more times that weekend, both times I brought my friends. After that, we kept in touch. He came to see me, then I came to see him. Then we were both in Shanghai together.

HOW HE PROPOSED

A few years later I was working for an American Medical Company in Shanghai. Geophrey had an offer to work on a tech development project in the United States. Neither of us had traveled to the US before, but we wanted to. We decided maybe we could make it a working holiday and spend a year or two in Los Angeles and travel around. We were researching the VISA requirements and quickly found it was easier for him than I. He was French and he owned his own business. The short version is, we learned that it would be easier for me if we were married. We never really discussed it and at that time we didn't even talk about marriage. A few months later he invited me to holiday in France to meet his family.

You will love this. These people are crazy. We meet them and they are polite and nice, but really at a distance. I almost cried. I was sure they didn't like me. I didn't want to say anything because he really loves his family and they are very close. "It's okay," he says, "It's okay. We are French, we need to warm up. I am their son. Don't worry." We slept the first two days. The flight was terribly long. Our second day, his father, Jerome, says he has a surprise and we are going into town. He says it very coldly though. We arrive at this little restaurant near the beach. They know everybody, but don't introduce me. It is like I am ignored. They are talking in French. I understand just a little enough to hear over and over again, "is that the Chinese? Oui Oui." You have no idea how uncomfortable it was. His father ordered a ton of oysters and ten bottles of white wine. "We will have an oyster feast," his father says in English to me. "The best in all of France, and the best in France is the best in all of the world." Now, I almost died. About a year earlier, Geophrey was pushing me to eat raw oysters. I refused and told him it was disgusting. He kept pushing me and pushing me and we had this big fight because he insisted and wouldn't let it go. Now here I am with his family, they have these huge buckets and plates, these big knives, people are opening, eating laughing. His mother puts one down in front of me. "Please," she says, "you will like." I felt trapped. I look at Geophrey, and he just shrugs. Really, the idea of trying just made me want to puke. One, because they look disgusting, and two, because I don't want him to win. So I am about ready to politely say no thanks when is father says, "NO!" At first, I thought he was rescuing me. "This is not for you." He grabs it. I felt relieved. "This one is. This one is for you, trust me." "I am sorry, but I don't eat Oysters" I say.

Everybody just stopped and fell silent. His mother started crying. People are shaking their heads. His father launches into this English/French argument or whatever. He starts yelling at Vincent. Again, I hear "the Chinese" again and again. Geophrey is calming him down, "Papa, I will talk to her. I will talk to her." His father turns to me, "Is this the way you treat people in China. I walk into your mother's home and spit on her food? Is that okay with you? If your mother offers me the belly of a snake I will eat it, because she is your mother and I am guest." I am stunned. "And she doesn't even try," he says to Vincent.I don't know whether I should run. I don't know where I would run to. I felt completely and totally ashamed, angry, and alone.

"It's okay, Calm down. She will try. I promise" He turns to me. "Baby, please, just one, out of respect, for me." Everybody is watching me. "Here, let me help you." He gives me a knife. His father picks it up and pretends like he is cutting it open. He then cuts another. He hands me the first one and says, "Like this." He gestures for me to do the same. This is real torture, but there was just sooooo much pressure. I open it waiting to see this giant piece of slime, instead I see this diamond ring. I swear it broke my brain. My first thought was, don't oysters have pearls and not diamonds... but a whole ring... did it swallow it? I look up. Geophrey is smiling. "Well, do you want this oyster or not?" his father shouts. Finally, it all clicked. Everyone around was smiling. They were all in on it. They all planned it. "Baby, my love, will you marry this crazy Frenchman that forces you to try the most incredible things?" I didn't know whether to slap him or kiss him. The whole family and all these people were in on it. He took the ring and placed it on my finger. "AGGHHH, I am going to marry you just so I can kill you!" I just cried. I was so happy. Suddenly, everyone was so warm and laughing. His mother and father were so loving. They even had brought Chinese food just for me. It was all an act. "You are all horrible, now I know where he gets it." They laughed and laughed. His father then hands me the oyster again and says, "You must, good luck. You have to at the very least try this one. I told you it was one to remember." After a moment, I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, pinched my nose, tilted my head back and slid it into my mouth." "Yes!" Geophrey screamed. "I WIN! I win again!" Relentless! He is absolutely relentless and I love him for it even though sometimes I want to kill him.

Today, one of my favorite things to do is to go down to Santa Monica, get a bottle of wine and a plate of oysters and just watch the sunset. So many wonderful things I never would have done or tried had I not sat with him that day in Shanghai. Now here I am in Los Angeles of all places. That is my story.

THE RING

The ring is a beautiful three stone ring. He says, for me, him, and the son we will have, or daughter. He chose it for me. I am glad. I wouldn't want to. I like the surprise. I had to get it resized and we sent it back, then had the date engraved at no charge. I am glad he got it from Rauschmayer. My sister-in-law also got from them.