HOW WE MET

We met about eight years ago on an airplane to Guangzhou. We were kind of trapped next to each other for about 30 hours. We are both ABC, American Born Chinese. And we both live in Wisconsin. He was working on his PHD at the University, chemical engineering, a real Asian nerd, so much the stereotype. I have my own garden shop. I like to grow things: herbs, vegetables, flowers. Well, come Christmas, as you know, the country shuts down. We both have relatives in Guangzhou, grandparents, both of us. Our flight goes through Denver, San Francisco, and then Hong Kong. At the time there weren’t too many flights directly to Guangzhou. Then from Hong Kong, it’s subway to the city, and then train to mainland, to Guangzhou. You get the idea.

After boarding for the first leg I sit, situate myself, and open a book. A few minutes later this shy man scoots in next to me. I can tell he wants to say something but he is too shy. Anyway, a bit after take-off, we start talking and find out that we are both going to the same place. Our grandparents only live about 4 kilometers from each other. And it is only after we get to Colorado that I learn I was in his seat; he was so polite he wouldn’t say anything. We quickly became travel buddies as we transferred. Kind of normal, I guess. Actually, I wasn’t even thinking about him as a boyfriend or date or anything. But then we arrive in San Francisco, where his mom joins for the rest of the journey. In San Francisco we had spent like an hour together talking and visiting, mom included, of course. We eat, board, and take our seats. The last part of the journey we are not seated together; he his seated with his mom, of course. If you know Chinese culture, then you know that a Chinese mom with a single son is a natural matchmaker. I guess she took a liking to me. I think her thinking was something like, Chinese, America, Guangzhou, HER! It is kind of that simple for a Chinese mother who doesn’t want to lose her son. Anyway, about an hour into the flight I see this Chinese lady pushing herself through the aisle and she comes up to me and says, “go.” I almost laughed out loud. Of course, she was polite and said she wanted to sit alone and sleep, she was very tired, that we are young and should have someone to talk to on a long journey. Reluctantly, I did. When I sat back down next to Steven, we joked a bit about Chinese mothers and matchmaking and I guess, that is when we kind of started to think a little differently, when I noticed hew was handsome, not obviously handsome, but handsome and charming in a gentleman kind of way.

By the time we made it through Hong Kong and into Guangzhou, she had our phone numbers exchanged, WeChat, a scheduled visit during our trip. It was really all so natural. And we did, we met in Guangzhou. I went to his hometown. We went to the city a few times for dinner, kind of discovering the city together. It was the best time I ever had in Guangzhou. It was so much bigger and more developed than I realized. It was nice, even romantic. Of course, she says it was fate. I say it was a pushy Chinese mother-in-law. One thing led to another. Soon we were discovering Wisconsin together, learning to ski, finding the best Chinese restaurants. Finally, I felt someone really got me. Not quite Chinese, but not quite American, if that makes sense.

HOW HE PROPOSED

Well, that was something special. I mean, not extravagant, but very romantic. He invited me to San Francisco for the weekend. Said we were going to hike the Redwood forest and such. I love San Francisco. Just across the bridge there is a little town called Sausalito. Very nice. There was this beautiful little boutique hotel, that opens right onto the bay. In the morning you can see across to the city; the water laps right onto the balcony. A fireplace in the room. Wine tasting in the evening. Very romantic. You can’t imagine. So I go out for a run. I like to run about 5-10k a few times a week, but especially when I am in a new place. It is a real pleasure. it’s funny when I think about it, when I returned, I remember people downstairs kind of smirking a bit. I had no idea what it was about. Not to digress, I go up to the room. I open the door, and for a moment I thought I was in the wrong place. I had to double check the room number. Inside, the room was filled with roses. Petals all over the bed and floor. The fire was on. The patio door open and a bottle of wine with two glasses sitting on the table outside. I couldn’t see him anywhere. I called out, “Stephen?” He didn’t answer. I walked out onto the patio and there he stood with the ring box opened. He didn’t even get a chance to ask me. I just burst into tears. Everything was so beautiful. He had help of course from his sister, mother, cousins. But the moment was just mine and his. Of course, he recorded it. He had three iPhones running on selfie sticks, can you believe it? It really was so unbelievably romantic.

That night, after I got cleaned up, we had dinner with his family. And, well, the rest is history.

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HOW WE MET

It is so funny that we even met at all. Geophrey is definitely not the kind of guy that I ever thought I would marry, are you kidding? I am from Zhangzhou, China and Geophrey is from Nice in France. We could not be more opposite.

I met him one weekend in Shanghai. I was studying to become a pediatrician. We had just taken exams. Me and my two girlfriends went to Shanghai for the weekend to rest. We arrived at this French restaurant and we were waiting for a seat. There were two other couples and this... this... French man waiting together for table. He was... is... handsome. We noticed him... and we noticed he was single. I am sure he noticed us noticing him. He tried to talk to us, very aggressively I might add, at least for a Chinese it seemed at the time. We were polite, dismissed him, and then laughed among ourselves. We had been waiting for a while when the waiter came out and said, "Table for 9." Suddenly, he answers, "Yes, yes, that is us, come on ladies." Gesturing to us. We were so embarrassed. You have to understand, as a Chinese, we often try not to put the spotlight on us. Geophrey puts himself and everybody around him in the spotlight all the time. You can't hide. Finally, he looks at me and says, "Did you come to eat or did you come to wait to eat, the question is simple, correct?" I didn't know what to say. I was intrigued, but speechless. Truthfully, I wanted to hide. "Listen," he says. "You would be doing me a great service. Look at me here alone with my two good friends, one American, one English, and they have both have brought these incredibly beautiful women which, for some reason I don't know, have chosen to marry them. Now I am here, having dinner as a Frenchman, alone. My reputation completely and utterly destroyed. You see, this is a matter of national pride, which I know three lovely Chinese ladies understand quite clearly. So what is it going to be, are you going to abandon this generous Frenchman in his time of need and join us for dinner, or are you going to make us all sit out here and wait, god knows how long, for another table?" I am not kidding, that is what he said. How do I know? Because Shan Shan, my friend recorded him, seriously. He is a walking spectacle. It should have been a warning for me about what I was getting into. Can you imagine arguing with that? Impossible! I did have a good time though. He captured my attention that night. We went out two more times that weekend, both times I brought my friends. After that, we kept in touch. He came to see me, then I came to see him. Then we were both in Shanghai together.

HOW HE PROPOSED

A few years later I was working for an American Medical Company in Shanghai. Geophrey had an offer to work on a tech development project in the United States. Neither of us had traveled to the US before, but we wanted to. We decided maybe we could make it a working holiday and spend a year or two in Los Angeles and travel around. We were researching the VISA requirements and quickly found it was easier for him than I. He was French and he owned his own business. The short version is, we learned that it would be easier for me if we were married. We never really discussed it and at that time we didn't even talk about marriage. A few months later he invited me to holiday in France to meet his family.

You will love this. These people are crazy. We meet them and they are polite and nice, but really at a distance. I almost cried. I was sure they didn't like me. I didn't want to say anything because he really loves his family and they are very close. "It's okay," he says, "It's okay. We are French, we need to warm up. I am their son. Don't worry." We slept the first two days. The flight was terribly long. Our second day, his father, Jerome, says he has a surprise and we are going into town. He says it very coldly though. We arrive at this little restaurant near the beach. They know everybody, but don't introduce me. It is like I am ignored. They are talking in French. I understand just a little enough to hear over and over again, "is that the Chinese? Oui Oui." You have no idea how uncomfortable it was. His father ordered a ton of oysters and ten bottles of white wine. "We will have an oyster feast," his father says in English to me. "The best in all of France, and the best in France is the best in all of the world." Now, I almost died. About a year earlier, Geophrey was pushing me to eat raw oysters. I refused and told him it was disgusting. He kept pushing me and pushing me and we had this big fight because he insisted and wouldn't let it go. Now here I am with his family, they have these huge buckets and plates, these big knives, people are opening, eating laughing. His mother puts one down in front of me. "Please," she says, "you will like." I felt trapped. I look at Geophrey, and he just shrugs. Really, the idea of trying just made me want to puke. One, because they look disgusting, and two, because I don't want him to win. So I am about ready to politely say no thanks when is father says, "NO!" At first, I thought he was rescuing me. "This is not for you." He grabs it. I felt relieved. "This one is. This one is for you, trust me." "I am sorry, but I don't eat Oysters" I say.

Everybody just stopped and fell silent. His mother started crying. People are shaking their heads. His father launches into this English/French argument or whatever. He starts yelling at Vincent. Again, I hear "the Chinese" again and again. Geophrey is calming him down, "Papa, I will talk to her. I will talk to her." His father turns to me, "Is this the way you treat people in China. I walk into your mother's home and spit on her food? Is that okay with you? If your mother offers me the belly of a snake I will eat it, because she is your mother and I am guest." I am stunned. "And she doesn't even try," he says to Vincent.I don't know whether I should run. I don't know where I would run to. I felt completely and totally ashamed, angry, and alone.

"It's okay, Calm down. She will try. I promise" He turns to me. "Baby, please, just one, out of respect, for me." Everybody is watching me. "Here, let me help you." He gives me a knife. His father picks it up and pretends like he is cutting it open. He then cuts another. He hands me the first one and says, "Like this." He gestures for me to do the same. This is real torture, but there was just sooooo much pressure. I open it waiting to see this giant piece of slime, instead I see this diamond ring. I swear it broke my brain. My first thought was, don't oysters have pearls and not diamonds... but a whole ring... did it swallow it? I look up. Geophrey is smiling. "Well, do you want this oyster or not?" his father shouts. Finally, it all clicked. Everyone around was smiling. They were all in on it. They all planned it. "Baby, my love, will you marry this crazy Frenchman that forces you to try the most incredible things?" I didn't know whether to slap him or kiss him. The whole family and all these people were in on it. He took the ring and placed it on my finger. "AGGHHH, I am going to marry you just so I can kill you!" I just cried. I was so happy. Suddenly, everyone was so warm and laughing. His mother and father were so loving. They even had brought Chinese food just for me. It was all an act. "You are all horrible, now I know where he gets it." They laughed and laughed. His father then hands me the oyster again and says, "You must, good luck. You have to at the very least try this one. I told you it was one to remember." After a moment, I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, pinched my nose, tilted my head back and slid it into my mouth." "Yes!" Geophrey screamed. "I WIN! I win again!" Relentless! He is absolutely relentless and I love him for it even though sometimes I want to kill him.

Today, one of my favorite things to do is to go down to Santa Monica, get a bottle of wine and a plate of oysters and just watch the sunset. So many wonderful things I never would have done or tried had I not sat with him that day in Shanghai. Now here I am in Los Angeles of all places. That is my story.

THE RING

The ring is a beautiful three stone ring. He says, for me, him, and the son we will have, or daughter. He chose it for me. I am glad. I wouldn't want to. I like the surprise. I had to get it resized and we sent it back, then had the date engraved at no charge. I am glad he got it from Rauschmayer. My sister-in-law also got from them.